the girl I used to be

So its 2010 and finally a new year. Usually people are happy it's a new year. I mean it's a time where you can start off fresh, make new resolutions and goals. A time where you can actually make changes for once.

It's only the 2nd day of the new year but I guess I just got a reality check. Earlier today I got an Im from an old friend asking if I was busy, which I was doing errands with my mom. Then he mentioned on what happened to me. How he hasn't seen me around. How I like disappeared.

Come to think of it, I have to admit.. I have disappeared. Back last year, I would be out. Making plans like no tomorrow. Having tennis practices, working on stuff for ASB, on that extra tip with Class Cabinet or Barkada Club, eating out, shopping, socialing, going to kickbacks or parties, hanging out with random people or whatever came up.

Now I'm completely the opposite. I haven't tried to join any sororities, sports, clubs or extra curricular activities. I still go shop but eat out but not as much with friends or anyone. I don't really talk to anyone except for probably 2 people in general. I go to kickbacks and parties but I leave before the fun even begins. Sometimes when there's something coming up, I usually don't go. When people want to kick it or even when I try to kick it, people either flake or it never goes through. & now when there's nothing to do, I'm actually fine with no doing anything anymore..

It's sad to say but I miss the girl I was back in high school. I'm not going to say I was popular but a lot of people knew me. It was nice when there was always something to do to keep myself busy. No matter how random the people are or the situation, I was always down. Now I'm just an Unsocial Butterfly..

I would say my reason is school but honestly thinking about it.. it really isn't anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so M.I.A. I mean I have at least over 500 contacts and I can hit up anyone I want, just to ask what's good for tonight or if they want to kick it. But I guess I don't even bother.

I know people always say "you'll know your real friends after high school" And come to think of it, now I do. At the same time, I feel guilty not trying to be there for anyone at all.. Before I graduated, I always told everyone, even my friends that graduated before me that I'll always be there, we'll still hang out, etc.

I guess I sorta lied, and I'm sorry. I wish I can turn back time and make up for all those planned events, show up to every birthday, stay longer but I can't..

I honestly have to say I'm sorry.. even to myself. I think I just need time.