whatever you say

So thinking about this whole week, staying up later because of daylight savings, and looking at some old stuff after my nap after school, I did a lot of thinking and looked backed to whatt I had before..

When I think of it now, I never thought I could be so stubborn and complain about all these things. Like what Mr.Henry told me one day inbetween "You just a little bratty daughter" Kinda fcuked up on how a teacher told me that but now when I think of it, I kinda am -___- .. especially when making my dad guilty when he gets mad at me, getting mad at people for all the wrong reasons, trying to be serious or simple little things by not eating certain foods cause it makes me sick.. Oh fcuk. I guess I got myself like this 'cause I havent been out much. Early in the year I got so occupied with school, tennis season, asb, aloras debut and other shit. I kinda wished I did take the time to at least try to spend time with some especially cause I was gone the whole damn summer.. I shouldve been the one to take the opportunity to be the one planning things out, walking 4379843823 miles, or even coulda hit em up randomly just for kicks.

Man if you only knew. "No matter what I'll always be there" now when i think of it. Fcuk that .. I never been so disappointed in so many people. I gotta admit, I know I have been super mia and all but at least I try to hit up thru text, facebook, aim or myspace once in a while. I know, I know, people change but it just sucks, really sucks. Its not like i got in a fight with them had drama or whatever but more like faded or went their separate ways. Some people get boyfriends or girlfriends, some move or leave the school, some even get new friends which is cool and all but I guess it just isnt the same. Hitting an on friend just to say hi and them not wanting to talk to you, giving excuses and stuff. Its just all bull. It hurts especially 'cause they try to go to when they really got shit but when you got shit, it's just like gibberish to them.

It also sucks 'cause all this shit happens all in a month. My aunt is sent through the hospital, my uncles dad dies, Danny, an old sia from middle school passes away, someone* finalizes his divorce and then puts shit on me on how I never him because he is out of state, & worse.. I don't get into my dream school.

I guess through all my family business and all, you always think you can look through friends right? 'Cause they "Always got your back" thats nothing anymore. I do feel thankful for the very few I got. I always got stupid stuff to complain about but I'm glad there at least there to listen. As for now, I gotta stand on my own. All I gotta say is.. "You may alwayse see me smiling, but really I got lots of shit on my belt.

I sometimes wish I can just dropout or leave the city Cerritos or even California for good. When I was on the plane on the way to Hawaii to go to the Philippines my aunt said "Living here in LA.. everyone is fake, you need to go to the East where the real people are at." And now when I think of it she IS right.



I guess that saying is true "You'll only know your true friends when in your high school" I just wanna graduate. Forget about prom. Sad but I thought of it two days ago and prolly wont even go to my senior prom. Kinda sucks but whatever. . "It aint no fun if you aint got none"

_leen